Happy Turkey Day. At the boyfriends cousins in NYC. And I am really grateful and thankful to be here and to experience so much generosity from strangers. I feel kind of isolated and floaty...like a tagalong guest. I feel incredibly welcome but disconnected. I feel like I'm just floating, without focus or ambition or purpose. I guess its no different than how I felt with a job, but its still a little weird. I don't feel like I belong anywhere. I feel supported...sort of. I don't know anymore. I don't know that I matter, but I don't know that I care as much as I once did. I don't know what matters, if anything.
There is so much corruption and cheating and ugliness...and so many sad people just trying to get by and trying to make their lives important. And it must be maddening to feel like you can't get ahead, like no one cares. It's not easy, but we can't act as though any of this is surprising. It's not. And its hard to care about other people.
But we have to try. We have to try to be something better. Otherwise, are we human or just robots?
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