1. A helmet makes my head look fat.
Not true! Your helmet makes your ass look small.
2. I'm not going very fast and/or the cars around me aren't going very fast.
False. Did you know that over 9,000% of all biking accidents occur in parking lots?
3. It's my safety, I'm not hurting anyone.
Wrong. What if some distracted mother of 5 doesn't see you run that stop sign? After she's hassled by her insurance and denied a claim on some technicality, she'll be paying for your brain-damage needs and meds for the rest of her life. She'll eventually become desperate, entwined in a Ponzi scheme and will spend the rest of her life in a minimum-security prison, exploring the psychological damage inflicted on her by alcoholic parents and knitting sweaters for Kittens without Borders.
And little Tommy, Suzy, Joquane, Peaches and Delilah? They'll be selling crack and lemonade on the corner across from the cardboard box they'll call home for 5 years - until foster care splits them up and ships them off. Needless to say, Delilah will eventually take her sadness and anger out on the rest of the American population and become Vice President of the United States, succeeding in taking away woman's rights, children's rights, immigrants rights, men's rights and being a leading advocate of corporal punishment for jay walkers.
But, at least your hair will look good, you brain-dead veg-head.
And little Tommy, Suzy, Joquane, Peaches and Delilah? They'll be selling crack and lemonade on the corner across from the cardboard box they'll call home for 5 years - until foster care splits them up and ships them off. Needless to say, Delilah will eventually take her sadness and anger out on the rest of the American population and become Vice President of the United States, succeeding in taking away woman's rights, children's rights, immigrants rights, men's rights and being a leading advocate of corporal punishment for jay walkers.
But, at least your hair will look good, you brain-dead veg-head.
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