Changing to do, ramblingly

I don't know what to do.  I've...never really had this problem in this way before.

Things that I thought I wanted no longer seem as important.  I feel like I'm in kind of a free fall where time has stopped but I have not.  I feel like I am watching everything around me happening in slow motion.  I feel a strange sense of detachment, but not *quite* apathy.

What is this mood?  What is this lack of zeal to DO?

I'm not worried about failing; I'm not worried about putting effort forward with no result.

I'm worried that I don't know where to put my efforts, I guess.  But I don't want to sit on my brains and indecisions, either.

Maybe I haven't come to terms with myself.  Like...I thought I knew what I wanted and what was best/logical/desirable/natural, but it doesn't seem so best/logical/desirable/natural now.

You know the drill: Get a good education, get a job you can have fun doing, find a mate, mate it up, make some family members, think about stuff, be a good person in your community, chillax and enjoy the beauty of life.

But.  BUT.  But.  There are many problems with this.

First, I've always felt skeptical of this formula for basic reasons, even before this recent mental weirdness - there's an inherent lack of community (family units do not count as community), it's kind of boring-sounding and there's not a lot of room in this societal structure to do something else and seem 'successful.'

Maybe more importantly to this recent mental weirdness, however, are the large facts that I've recently (allowed myself to) become aware of.  Our way of life is selfish to other humans, to other life and to the earth itself.  This pattern of existence is too complacent and allows for mad amounts of corruption by those who are even MORE bored by it.  It's not satisfying or progressive to a lot of people.  We treat ourselves and everything around us like ignorant shit.  Truth.

I feel like I've been looking for a long time for a mentor, or a leader, or someone who could help me in this journey.  Someone with all of the answers.  I've looked to parents, teachers, peers, mates, friends, religions, institutions, educations, philosophies, whatever.

And maybe this approach was fundamentally flawed, although I'd like to say that I've been learning the whole time.  I guess I'm starting to wake up a little more and realize my own mind.  Or understanding that the answers that I look for lie more in my own experiences than in others'.

And what of these experiences?  How does a person know which experiences to seek?  Which opportunities to embrace and which to reject?

What to do?? What not to do???