Narrative #34, This One's For You, Jess.

Feelings feelings, feelings.

What is life?  Feeling the importance of every moment?  Realizing the most fun thing you could possibly do and then do that a lot?  Depriving yourself of the fun things?  What is the meaning of it - is it fun to think about?

Why do I love doing this stuff so much?  Love like I love music and all things that are awesome.  I don't know that I want to entertain people, it's more like I want people to adore me.  Damn, that felt good to get out there.

That's it.  That's everything.  I want everyone, everywhere to affirm my existence.  That's depraved.  It's like I'm everyone's bitch!  How did that happen?  How did this happen?


Well, what then is me to admire?  What am I?  And who?  Am I the way I look?  Am I what I say, and to whom?  Maybe a set of lenses, or TVs, looking around?  Some sort of robot, taking notes and keeping logs?  Scary.

What about thinking, then?  What the shit does that mean?  How do you think?  What is thinking - is it the voice-over narrative of everything?  Is it more, that's unexplained in words?  And when I'm sitting here, "thinking", I mostly feel insane because I can't concentrate on anything and then at some point I find that I'm thinking about sex and I feel a little guilty because I was trying to think of something serious.

The shower is a great place to think, by the way.  And a great place to have sex.  Which makes it an even better place to think.  Win-fucking-win.  Have sex in the shower, ladies and gentlemen - GOOD NIGHT!

Global Embracement, Age of Empires style

We know this is false, we've seen it before.

We're not in other countries to promote 'democracy' the ideal, we're there fighting to sustain 'democracy' the way of life for some.

And that means America is King.  It's true, it's disgusting.  Since WWII and the fear of another Depression, we've "embraced" a global economy.

Let's explain it in terms of a successful Age of Empires campaign.  If you haven't played this game before, it's pretty much played like you'd think from the title.  You build up an empire as a certain race of people and then either fight people to total annihilation or create treaties with them.  One way to guarantee your future empire-awesomeness is to spread out on the limited map early.  Get miners to mineral sites, loggers to forests and barracks anywhere you can.  This way, you ensure that you have the most wealth and therefore strength, even when it means encroaching on some other race's natural resources.  That is how you win quickly.

This is how America works.  Want to interfere in Latin American markets without being afraid of native populations revolting against American corporations stealing their shit?  NAFTA.  Want to start a war over oil in a country struggling to combat its own internal conflicts?  Weapons of mass destruction.  Want to spruce up the ol' economy, line the pockets of your politicians and give jobs to your contractor friends? Reinvigorate the idea of American Supremacy and go fight in Afghanistan, Iran, Iraq and Pakistan.  Want to reneg on the American contract of life, liberty and property because it threatens your economic status?  Domestic terrorism.

All so we can feel better about the size of our dicks.

Living with dignity

Often the argument for medical euthanasia is to let the dying die with dignity.  Well, why the hell don't we demand to live with dignity?

We are living under a government that is nothing more than a few rich, mostly white men who use the influence of their global corporations to write laws to benefit them and not us.

What is freedom if not the right to choose how to live, without affecting the freedom of others?

What are these laws that humiliate us?  Who voted for them?  We have people in government declaring themselves important and capable that are no more than criminals who lie, steal and further corrupt.

And what do we do when the money we pay goes to corrupt institutions?

Essentially, we have no choice.  We pay money for war and internal corruption and greater police presence and NOT for education and NOT for helping the poor and NOT for helping the sick because it is a crime not to.  We are arrested, beaten and oppressed for gathering in protest.  We are now legally strip searched for any reason.  We are tracked on our phones without warrant or reason.

So, we live day-to-day, trying to carve out a 'respectable' existence for ourselves and our families, with no time to care about the community, to help one another, to resist our oppressors.  We're locked into student loan debt (which is the only way most of us can get educations), mortgage debt (much of it illegal, most of it unfair), paying taxes we disagree with, paying bailouts that do nothing but continue to bolster fraudulent activities and pay bonuses to those responsible for our loss of our houses.

Where is dignity?  What is dignity?  How can we live with dignity?

Insurgo, insurgi, insurrectum.

Humor is truth, truth is humor

I don't know what thoughts I'd have to share with the world right now - I feel paralyzed, just paralyzed.  What can I do?  I feel small and weak.  I feel like I'm fighting a tide, inside and out.  Sometimes I wonder if the situation will improve much - either from without or within.  I desperately hope so, but I don't know how to be a catalyst and I don't have the faintest idea why not.

The government is a plague of petty men, who upon declaring themselves 'important', set to control more and more.  They cannot be separate from the laws if they benefit from those laws.  And if they are not separate from those laws, they should not be trusted to make them.  But what's the solution?  Stupid little ruler wannabes.  You think if you abstract the issue enough, the people will not realize that the burden is still on their shoulders?

We are not helpless.